I joke that my mid-life crisis started when I was 35 and it’s not over yet!

Actually, though, as I revealed in my special Unsticking^TM Teleclinic last week, my life has been on a Transitional path since March 1985. That’s when I hit the wall big time and decided to reinvent my life. I simply had no idea that finding and LIVING my true Calling would take quite so long. And, be full of so many transitions.

When I turned 60 last September I made myself 2 promises: 1) I would no longer do work I didn’t want to do, and 2) I wouldn’t work with people that I didn’t want to.

Those 2 commitments have created interesting changes in my practice. The ‘good’ ones are the nifty, new clients I’ve met since then, the challenging new work that has come my way, and the increases in my income. What hasn’t been so neat are some of the emotions that have accompanied this Transition.

Let me explain, in the hopes you can relate.

We have this fantasy that change will be smooth and easy. OK, maybe that’s MY fantasy.

Seriously though, I’ve noticed that many of my creative, eclectic clients are by nature OPTIMISTIC about the future. Dreamers one and all we create plans that are based on nothing going wrong. Then when the car dies, the snow storm wipes out the power for 2 days, or we get sick, we find ourselves waaaaaaaaaaay behind!

Oh, and let’s not forget about the jim jams. That’s a fancy word for the emotional reactions that surface during a transition.

That’s what’s been happening to me of late. Sure, rationally I can blame my lack of productivity on the chaos caused when the engine in the SUV crapped out. Or, the interruptions and noise created by the renovations going on in the home office. And, the problems created when my we site move took 2 weeks instead of 3 days.

True, those things are aggravating, but that’s not really what’s really kept me STUCK!

Have you noticed this? The more you want your dreams and the closer you get to them, the MORE VULNERABLE you feel.

Sure been happening to me lately. I feel very tender, raw. So, if a client doesn’t immediately respond I start feeling paranoid, “Did I say something wrong?”

You see, transitions are times that take us back in some ways to our childhood self. Times when we didn’t have a lot of power or influence. Times when there were bogey men. Times when some of us were abused.

And, all those feelings get resurrected when the roller coaster of transition drops down the hill into depression.

So, what can we do when Transition time makes us feel vulnerable, scared, and overwhelmed?

Here are some things I’m doing:

1. Talking It Through

Even Introverts need to talk it over. Find a good friend, usually a woman cause most women can provide the emotional listening you need. My best friend Brenda and I talk for hours every week, particularly when either of us is struggling. And, believe that’s most every week cause both of us are working hard to grow up.

2. Write It Out

I’ve been stuck writing. Thank God I found and wonderful writing coach and healer who has been guiding me through some very powerful writing exercises. Thanks to Debora Seidman of www.WritingThePrayerOfYourLife.com I’ve started to write again. Now, all the uck is coming out - but so is the good stuff! Trust me. Writing is one of the most powerful things you can do to sort out and get through a transition.

3. Get Support!

I keep saying this because it’s true and because it works! When I’m struggling I pick up the phone and call my coach. He has me back on track in less than 30 minutes. Lately, I talk to him once a week. So, get the support you need - GET A COACH!

I’m happy to report that my website has been moved to a new host. That means you can tune in to THE Unsticking Coach for more on what I’m learning about change and transition.

Okay so I stole the title of this post from John Tesh! Get over it.

Useful articles for Genre Busters from Monster.

- The 10 Worst Mistakes Career Changers Can Make

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- Recognize Business-Opportunity Fraud

Creative professionals of all kinds, from architects to writers, don’t do JOBS.

Well, not if they’re smart.

Creatives aren’t cut out to work for companies. As a client said today,  and I loosely quote, "companies suck the life out of you!"

Companies are about rules, policies, procedures, mass production.  Very few corporations with the notable exception of Google, Apple, and others provide the RIGHT ENVIRONMENT for creatives.

Artistic types, need to be able to, in fact MUST express their creative urges, in and through their work. For creatives their is no boundary between them and work.

They ARE their work.

And, they need environments that NURTURE, GUIDE, that expression NOT stifle it.

So, if you are a creative professional, don’t language it as a "Job Search". It’s NOT!

It’s a search for a way, a place, where you can DO YOUR WORK.

I delivered my Creative Unsticking(TM) workshop yesterday to the Calgary chapter of the Professional Writers Association of Canada.

Thanks to all who attended for your participation and provocative questions.

I want to focus on an "block" that was raised by one of the attendees because I believe it exemplifies a common struggle for writers and other creatives.

Here’s the situation. This attendee wanted to write a book but was stalled (blocked) by naysayers.

The same thing has likely happened to you. You were inspired to write an article or book chapter or a poem or a play or pen a piece of music or craft a sculpture or paint a picture or snap some photos.

So, what  is the first thing you’re tempted to do after engaging in your creative act?  Or, sometimes even before we create something we’re tempted to say something like, "I’m thinking of writing a book about [fill in the blank]".

Our first temptation is to show it someone else — and ask for their feedback.

And, that could be a BIG mistake.

First, why are we tempted to show our work to others. Well naturally we’re proud of ‘our baby’. And, like a new parent we want to show off our creation to others. It’s a very human thing to do.

But, the flip side of that ‘pride’ of creation is really the need for the approval of others. We have this need, in part, because except for procreation, creation is a solitary act. We put our soul and heart into crafting our work but we secretly wonder "is this any good?" So we ask others. 

But, for writers and other creatives there’s a real risk in asking for feedback.

When we ask for feedback there are three possible responses: people could like (love) our work; people could dislike (hate) our work; or people could be neutral.

And, the problem for us as humans is that we have a very strong tendency to pay more attention to negative or neutral responses than to positive accolades.

And, by focusing on the negative we get stuck, stalled, blocked.

We don’t publish our work — we don’t put it out into the world.

There’s another risk in asking for feedback. By asking for another’s feedback we are intrinsically giving them the power to say what’s good or what’s bad about our work. In effect, we are saying "I don’t know the value of my work so YOU tell me!"

Another important thing to remember about feedback is that is merely someone else’s opinion! It is what they feel and think. Nothing more.

So, next time you’re tempted to ask for feedback remember the old maxim, "Be careful what you ask for, you might get it!"

Has this happened to
you?

You’ve decided to make
a change. For example, you’ve decided to quit your job and pursue a new career.
You’re really excited about the change. And, you’re committed to make it
happen. But, as you start to make plans and move forward you begin to feel
anxious. You experience doubt.

Sometimes these
feelings are vague and nebulous. Other times they appear as clear signals: a
churning in your guts, a choking feeling around your throat, or a negative
voice in your head.

Now, I’ve titled this
article “Defeating Negative Thoughts” so you may be wondering why I’m talking
about Feelings. Simple. Because we often notice our feelings first before we
catch on to the thoughts that are creating those feelings.

However, sometimes
those negative thoughts come through pretty loud and clear. We hear that voice
in our head saying things like, “Are you
nuts? That’s not going to work!” “Who do you think you are?” “Don’t do anything
foolish. You’ll embarrass yourself.”

So, how do you get rid
of these negative thoughts?

#1 Remember You (Probably) Didn’t Create Them

Most negative thoughts
get planted in our brain by other people; often people with perfectly good
intentions. For example, a client was struggling with family messages about her
success. Messages like “You’ll never make
it”, “You don’t deserve it”. So what to do? One simple strategy is when you
hear that message; simply say to yourself, “That’s
NOT mine!”

#2 Dispute Your Thoughts

This technique comes to
us courtesy of Cognitive Therapy. The
idea is to replace the negative thought with a positive one. So, for example
when you hear that voice say, “You don’t
deserve this” you can replace it with this positive disputation, “I’ve worked long and hard to get here and I
deserve my success!” You can find
an even easier approach to dealing with negative thoughts over at my friend
Mona Grayson’s site QuestionTheMind.com

How do you defeat
negative thoughts? Please share your strategies here at my blog.   

Years ago when I was hypomanic I wrote part of a poem (when you’re hypomanic you have a hard time finishing anything) likening the progression of my thoughts to billiard balls randomly flying here and there.

My brain was like that today.

I couldn’t focus worth shit.

I’d start writing only to notice a phone call I "had" to make. Then I’d think "Oh. I need to check the forum to see if someone’s responded to my question" and off I’d go. Then reading the forum I noticed a dear friend was back (had been in hospital) so I just had to phone her! 3 hours later and not a damn thing written.

I fought it. I did.

But, finally I said to heck with it. And, surrendered.

Ah, sweet chaos!

Sometimes it just makes sense to give in and go with it.

The other day, I was
listening to a ‘self help’ program on the radio as I was driving. Jack
Canfield, co-author of the “Chicken Soup’ books, was being interviewed. And, once
again I heard that word that I word
used to describe the books. The word: Inspirational.

I get irritated when
people market their books and programs using the word Inspirational. Why? Maybe
it’s me but the feeling I get when I hear these advertisements is that being Inspiring
is enough.

It’s not! Quite simply,
in 30 plus years of working with people, I’ve found that most people are unable
to translate Inspiration into ACTION.
At the very least, what people/you need in addition to Inspiration is:

Strategies/Plans – You may need a path, a set of steps, sometimes a detailed recipe
that will show you the way to get from where you are to where you want to be.

Education/Advice – You may need to acquire new skills in order to navigate your chosen
path.

Support
– You may need someone to ‘hold your hand’, kick you in the butt, or to help
you get you unstuck.

I’ve noticed that a lot
of Motivational Speakers and Authors just do that: speak and write. They don’t help
you make practical plans. They don’t give you the training you need. And, they
don’t provide the support you need.

That’s why you need to
hire a coach.

As a coach I’ve been
told by many that I’m very Inspiring
and I’m delighted to do what I can to help Inspire my clients and motivate them.
But, I’m more interested in helping my clients with practical strategies, providing
proven advice drawn from 37 years of business and life experience, and giving
the on demand support my clients need.

Which do you think will
get you where you want to be? Inspiration? Or, Coaching?

Please add your comments at my blog.

Have you ever felt
scattered?

You know the feeling.
You start working on one project only to find yourself thinking about another –
or about half a dozen other things.

How can you get
focused? Here are a few ideas.

Breath

Ideas exist in our
heads and minds. That’s why they can spin and zip around so easily causing us
to feel in a whirl. Close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths. Breathing
puts us in touch with the realities of our bodies. It calms the mind and brain.
And, it helps us refocus on what we’re doing.

Do it

Often the distracting
thought is about small things we need to remember to do. Sometimes the best
thing to do to get rid of a distracting thought is to simply do it. My rule is that doing it must take less
than 3 minutes. Focusing on the distraction for longer than that can really
destroy our focus on what we were doing. So, if it’s going to take you away
longer just make a note of what you have to do.

Write

When my head’s all in a
whirl and my thoughts are spinning around and clanging like marbles in a
blender, I grab my keyboard and just write. Write till all the ‘stuff’ is out
of me head. Then I can look at what’s on paper and decide what important and
what’s not.

What’s helped you get
focused? Please add your comments at my blog.  

Making Better Decisions

Decisions, decisions!
We make dozens everyday. Little ones like whether to put PB or jam on our
bagel. And, less frequently big ones like should I break up with my significant
other?

Here are a couple of thoughts
to help with the “bigger” decisions.

Make Sure Your Deciding at the Right “Level”

Frequently we narrow
our decision possibilities. For example, we pose questions like “what car should I buy?” Notice how that
narrows our thinking, so we’re only focused on cars. What about doing what we
call moving up a level. So, we move from a focus on a specific kind of
transportation device to the more general category of transportation. The
question then becomes “what’s the best
transportation for me?” Doing that opens possibilities. Possibilities like
taking the bus, buying a scooter. So, when you have a big decision to make see
if changing the level from general to more specific or from specific to general
makes the decision better.

Untangle Related Decisions

Sometimes, two or more
decisions are tangled together because they’re ‘related’. For example, suppose
you and your significant other have been living together and now have to move.
You’re struggling with whether to move with her or move alone. You’ve really
got two decision mashed together which makes it really hard to decide. Pull
them apart. Focus on the relationship decision first. Making that decision will
then make the choice of home a lot clearer and easier. Why focus on the
relationship decision first? Because the other decision is ‘dependent’ on it. So,
make it first. By the way, relationship decisions ARE tough to make. I’m not
sure I have any wisdom to share in that area, so please chime in!

What’s helped you make better decisions? Add
your comments at my blog.

Whenever you try to get
in touch with what you really, really want, you draw a blank. What can you do?

EnglandA young woman I
recently coached had this very problem. So, I asked her what DID interest her
and what WAS appealing. She replied that she enjoyed photography (but had been
put off it by a photography course she took) and had just purchased a new
digital camera. So, my homework assignment to her was to roam the Midlands (she
lives in England) taking photos.

You can use the same
approach. What creative acts DO you enjoy or have you enjoyed? Or, what
creative act would you like to try? Pick one and DO it.
The idea is to actually EXPRESS your creativity. When your creative flows, you
begin to get clarity, and feel less lost. 

What do you think of
this approach? What works for you when you feel lost? Add your comments at my
blog.