How far can I flex before I break?

I’m not sure if it’s my allergies or the constant overwhelm or just being an ‘old fart’ but lately I’m feeling really pissy about being asked to flex and change.

And, for some reason this morning I got thinking about Gumby.

Gumby arrived as a regular ‘performer’ on TV screens in 1957, the year I turned 10. And, it’s not that I watched Gumby and his sidekick Pokey all that much. At age 10 I was more interested in reading ‘adult books like the copy of Harold Robbins the ‘Dream Merchants’ I filched from my dad’s bookshelf.

Yet, somehow that pea green, claymation figure keept coming to mind today. I guess it’s because Gumby seemed able to flex, bend, and stretch far and wide … something I seem both less able AND less willing to do.

Yet, as a coach, counsellor, and consultant I encourage my client’s to flex their style of leadership, of communication; to change to meet the needs of their followers, their customers, and their colleagues.

Am I a hypocrite for encouraging this?

I sure hope not. Though I sometimes feel that way. After all I sometimes fail to heed my own advice.

But, let’s get back on point.

How far should you flex and change in order to ‘work with’, to get along with, to stay in relationship with, to be with another?

When is enough, enough?

That’s a question each of has to answer for ourselves.

But, I know that for me I’m feeling less and less like I want to be as flexible, as willing to change to meet the other ‘half way’, as I used to.

Am I an old cranky puss for saying that? Maybe.

But, this I know for sure … Yes, it is important to be flexible. Yes, it is critical to ’see the other persons point of view’. Yes, it is necessary to practice empathy. And, yes it is vital to change and grow.

But, god damn it, that doesn’t mean that for you and I to do business or for you and I to work together effectively;  I have to become Gumby!

Technorati Tags: Change, Courage, empathy, Musings, relationships

I got some interesting feedback from my last post,  “The Lure of Easy Money”.

Here’s what my client Steve said,

“One thing I might say (from my perspective) is that the money AIN’T easy… (If this is easy, I hate to think what hard money would be like :-0 )  and it’s not that I dislike the work itself — I quite like it.   It’s the people and the politics that make me insane. But your point is definitely well taken. “

When I used the term “Easy Money” I did not intend to infer that actually earning the money was EASY!

Let me be crystal clear! “Easy Money” is often the hardest, riskiest money to earn. It’s not “Easy Money” because of the ease with which it’s earned! It’s “Easy Money” because it’s so damn easy to continue to obtain work/employment with the same client or in the same occupational area.

In the interests of client confidentiality, let’s use my example again,  my contract work as a “Change Management” Resource, to explore what I mean.

By the Spring of 2006, I’d been employed on a contract basis for 3 years. And, I worked damn hard for the money I earned — try doing 200+ Privacy Impact Assessments some time and see how good you are at making privacy policies interesting and important to Physicians and Clinic Managers who just want to do their jobs.

I was ‘easy’ to just keep renewing my contract. I was ‘easy’ to sit back and wait for my Change Management Advisor to parcel out assignments (no marketing, no selling). I was ‘easy’ to just keep on keeping on.

Ah! But what wasn’t ‘easy’.

The dis-ease being created by doing work that did not feed my soul, in a toxic work environment.

And, that IS so often the situation I find my clients in.

YES, in their case (as it is with Steve) the work itself may be rewarding, fulfilling, engaging, and nurturing BUT — and this IS important — there is something about the work environment that is TOXIC and ultimately destructive to their body, mind, soul, and spirit!

And, that is why we need to be careful about “Easy Money”!

Technorati Tags: Career Conundrums, Change, contract work, easy money, soul and spirit, toxic work

I’ve been there, done that, got the T-Shirt, and the Coffee Mug.

Where?

Doing a ‘job’ I hated, working a contract I loathed: justified by “the money”.

When I turned 60, after spending 4 months in severe pain from my Fibromyalgia, I promised myself, “I’m not going to do work I don’t want to do. And, I’m not going to work with people I don’t want to work with!”

At the time I was working a lucrative contract as a Change Implementation Consultant. The money was great. The work was easy. But …

I wasn’t happy.

The work had become repetitive, repetitive, repetitive. And, what was worse is we were discovering that our boss’s new boss was a slimy, manipulative SOB. Long on promises; short on delivery; amazingly adept at ’slipping a knife in your back’.

Then 1 day, as I left a clinic, that little voice inside said, “Ya gotta quit this Lyle. It’s destroying your soul.”

This time I listened … 8 months previously when the same little voice told me to quit, I kept going. 1 and 1/2  months after that my Fibro kicked in: with a vengance!

So, I planned my “Exit Strategy”: subtly turning down contract assignments so I could ensure I had all my contract work complete, INVOICED, and PAID by March 31st (end of the government’s fiscal year). And, my clear intention was to simply not renew my contract when it came up for renewal April 1st.The idea was to leave quietly.

Didn’t work out that way; and the story of the ending is a fun one to be told some other time, so I can get back to the point of this post.

Lately in my coaching I’ve had several clients who are quite literally suffering illnesses, clearly connected to doing ’soul-sucking’ work and who are staying cause “the money’s easy.”

What’s been coming to my mind as I’ve thought about thier dilemmas is a visual from a Miami Vice episode: we see a man sling a bag of drugs into his Porshe; then we seem him driving the rain slicked streets of Miami to a ‘meet’, and in the background we hear the plaintive words of Glen Frey’s “Smuggler’s Blues”, “… the lure of easy money”, as the guy gets a bullet (or six) in the head.

Ya see the problem with ‘easy money’ is … well, that’s it’s alledgedly easy. There is no apparent cost. I say apparent because there IS a cost — hoo boy is there a cost!

The problem is that the cost of doing easy-money work often arrives later: in the form of physical, mental, &/or emotional problems.

Again, I know. I sometimes feel like I’m the “Poster Boy” for stupid moves.

It’s taken being gifted with not 1 but TWO chronic illnesses for me to wake up and smell the mocha cappachino. And, to really grok this 1 simple fact:

Doing work that isn’t your ‘God-given Work’ is going to kill you … sooner or later!

It’s short term gain for long term pain. It’s ‘pay me now, or pay me later.’

It’s your choice: take the easy money and wither your soul, sicken your spirit, and die. Or, take the ‘narrow road’, nurture your soul, foster your courage, sieze the day, and follow your Bliss!

Technorati Tags: Career Conundrums, Career Dreams, Career Transitions, Change, Courage, Follow Your Bliss

I was doing some intense coaching this week with Kathy Mallory, The Inspired Market-Her!

When I had a big aha!

First, a bit of back story.

I’ve always had a high need for autonomy: way back in Grade 2 I told Ms. McLeod, who was pushing me to work harder, "you can have speed and accuracy. Not both!" Cheeky litte bugger wasn’t I!

Over the years I’ve come to learn that what I want from others is this: tell what OUTCOME you want. And, then let me figure out how to create it!

Bosses who tried to specify both PROCESS and OUTCOME drove me crazy!

In fact, I realize that really deep down I just want to know the outcome! I KNOW I can create the best process and execute it with precision. In fact, I rarely ever follow anyone else’s process. It’s "just tell me what you want. Get the hell out of the way. And, let me make it happen!"

Back to my coaching session with Kathy.

She was helping me get some perspective on my second calling. In the course of conversation she pointed out the potential conflict between my belief that "my calling is immutable", i.e. I can’t change it or dodge it. And, my other belief and behaviour that I could determine the path.

Later, after the call, it hit me!

Here I was "trying to do it my way!"

And, that ain’t possible with Callings.

In this case I MUST trust the process! Even scarier I don’t know the process.

An  important aha!

But, one I’m still learning to live with.

Thanks Kathy, for your "bloody rational thinking!"

Technorati Tags: Career Transitions, Change, Transitions

I ‘borrowed’ the title of this post from my good friend, and fellow Canuck, Kerry Sim.

Kerry had read my recent post about Intention and Action.

Within a day he received a newsletter from his mentors about the same topic, saying something similar.

Funny.

I’ve noticed the same thing in the Blogosphere… postings about Intention and Action. For example, my good friend Paula G just posted about the topic over at Coaching 4 Lesbians.

Coincidence? Or, not?

Probably not.

Here’s what I think is happening.

It’s my  — and your — Reticular Activating System (RAS)in action.

The RAS is the Spam filter or firewall of the brain. It’s function is to filter out extraneous messages or stimuli, so your brain doesn’t become overloaded. If the RAS wasn’t there your brain would receive so many messages you’d go crazy!

So, the RAS acts like a traffic cop. It allows some messages past and others don’t get past. But, unlike a traffic cop the RAS is malleable.

You can tell it what to look for and what to ignore. You can do that conciously — with intention. Or, it can happen unconciously — UNintentionally. For example, the minute you buy a new car suddenly you discover how many other people own cars just like yours.

So, here’s how Intention works.

You picture, visualize what you want.

That CONCIOUS action sets the RAS to notice events, actions, people, stimuli that match YOUR PICTURE.

Voila!

Suddenly, all around you is what you Intented.

It was there before…. you just didn’t see it!

Of course, now that you SEE IT you have to DO something.

Remember, INTENTION –> ACTION –> ATTENTION –> REACTION –> RESULTS(C)

Technorati Tags: Change